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Mitt Romney's Pre-Edited Concession/Confession Speech in My Dreams

Tim Outman
11/9/12

My Fellow Americans,

It is with sadness that I concede the election to President Obama. He fought a good campaign and, while I thought I had a chance, the people of this country have spoken.

Unfortunately, it was those 47 percent who I told you about that really did the speaking. The victims, the whiners, those that want a handout, and those who just can’t take responsibility for their lives, are the ones I have to blame. But, in all fairness, I need to shoulder some of the reason why I lost. In the end, I got caught up in lies—lies about the auto industry sending jobs to China, lies about President Obama not reaching out across the aisle to work toward common ground. After all, it was the Republicans who pledged that they would oppose everything President Obama would try to do to move our country out of the tremendous economic disaster that George Bush left him with, including a strong jobs bill. I even said that if the auto industry gets a bailout you can kiss the automotive industry goodbye. President Obama was right, and I was wrong. There, I said it.

To his credit, President Obama has accomplished a great deal in the last four years, given the obstruction the Republicans have consistently inflicted on him.

I can now step back and see that the country is better off with me out of the way. I would have given tax breaks to the wealthiest in the country; taken away health care for millions of uninsured individuals and families in need; eliminated Planned Parenthood—that I’m now told does much more than just provide abortions—dismantled FEMA; and would have put an end to Big Bird. As for my tax plan, I didn’t have a “real” one, and the one I did propose never penciled out, except to give my rich friends more loopholes and create more of a burden on the middle class—just as President Obama said it would.

As for my positions on foreign policy, you could see from the debates, that I was clearly in over my head in all of that. I even said that Syria was Iran’s route to the sea, when, in fact, Iran has direct access to international waters through their large coastline on the Gulf, and they're not even a neighbor to Syria.

You already know my thoughts on taking out Osama bin Laden. To tell you the truth, I was really afraid of that guy. I thought if I said anything to upset bin Laden, he would have gone after me and my family. I wouldn’t risk the wealth I’ve built up for going after him. It just wouldn’t make sense. Plus, if I was in a position to act, I would have asked for Pakistan's permission—talk about letting the cat out of the bag. So, again, you are fortunate to have someone as strong as President Obama as Commander-In-Chief to have made that tough decision that really will keep America safe.

I also want to say that I really took a cheap shot at President Obama when I questioned his response to the terrorist attack on the diplomatic post in Libya that took American lives, including Ambassador Chris Stevens. I was trying to capitalize on a horrific act, and was rightly chastised by Peggy Noonan of The Wall Street Journal and Senator John Sununu. I was wrong, and I'm sorry.

Immigration reform is another weak point for me. I would have vetoed the DREAM Act and would prefer having illegal immigrants “self-deport.” It turns out that those positions are rather ridiculous, and was reflected in my poor showing with Hispanic voters. Again, President Obama, along with one of the original authors, Republican Senator Orrin Hatch, can work together on this. It would be nice to see the president's new friend, Governor Chris Christie, contribute to this, as well.

I have tried to set out a very different view on how to strengthen our economy. I would have wanted to build it again from the top down. Plus, I would have brought back some of the same economists that George Bush used to get us into this mess. As you can see, the economy is steadily growing, unemployment is down, the housing market is again on the rise, and the automobile industry is thriving again. To be candid, I would have taken credit for the good work President Obama has done to achieve that.

My fellow Americans, as I leave you tonight, I want you to know that Ann and I will be fine. Even with all of the money we have spent on this election, we still have a considerable nest egg to fall back on, plus my modest income from Bain Capital. You may see us from time-to-time in one of our many houses, or perhaps in the Cayman Islands.

My congratulations to President Obama in his victory. Please support him in these next four years as best you can, he deserves it. America has spoken. Good night.

Tim Outman grew up in California and graduated from the University of California, Berkeley, with degrees in both sociology and rhetoric. He attended law school in Washington, D.C., while serving as a legislative assistant to Congressman George Miller, (D-California). He worked for Congressman Miller for nine years before becoming the legislative director for the California Children’s Lobby. Leaving the public policy world for a several years, Tim received a Master's in Fine Arts in Sculpture from the University of Oregon, and went on to teach at the Lane Community College. Tim has returned to policy work, and is now a policy planner and air-quality specialist for the Confederated Tribes of Warm Springs.

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curtj's picture
Too bad that the self policing political prostitutes in the legislative, executive, and judicial branches of the government in Washington and individual states, are allowed to craft legislation, vote on it, and make legal rulings, even though they are past, present and future employees, of the corporations and industries the legislation and regulations, financially and legally benefit. There is no ethics, morality or legal standing for either the bribed Washington crooks or imbedded and burrowed operatives and officials in government when they are bribed to craft laws that give their corporate benefactors bones with meat on it while throwing the rest of Americans the bone to fight over it. Just as the feds give the states money to give the tribes and the state keeps the money and gives the tribes just enough. Like giving the states a bone with meat on it and the states take the meat and throws the bone to the tribes and watch them fight over it.
curtj
rondaoliver's picture
lol
rondaoliver