Vincent Schilling
During a recent trip to Virginia Beach President Barack Obama “allegedly” said, “let’s honor those treaties!! The crowd’s response was lukewarm, but the President is staying steadfast!”

If Only! 'Columbus Day Cancelled' & 9 Other Long-Overdue Headlines

Vincent Schilling

State Governors Agree to Stay Out of Tribal Affairs

Collectively realizing that tribal nations are sovereign nations and need to be treated as such, all 50 United States governors have agreed that they will stop meddling in tribal issues. The agreement, which was created by previous California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger states, “Let’s stop this state compacts thing and just stop getting in everyone’s way.”

Former California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger speaks at a news conference on immigration reform at the University of Southern California in Los Angeles, on Tuesday, April 30, 2013. (AP Photo/Nick Ut)

Columbus Day Cancelled—Now Native Americans Day

“Due to the atrocities committed by Columbus, we hereby cancel Columbus Day,” said Clarence Thomas the most vocal of the Supreme Court this Friday in relation to the Columbus Day ruling. “We all know that Columbus sold slaves, participated in the kidnap of children and was taken back in shackles to his home—why should he be honored with a U.S. Holiday?”

“Now let’s rule on Thanksgiving,” said a smiling Thomas.

Redskins, Chiefs and Braves to Participate in Change the Mascot Day

Straight on the Heels of Dan Snyder’s apologetic comments to fans, all teams bearing a Native-themed mascot will be changing their team names to something embarrassing like the Washington Broccoli Florets, the Kansas City Milk and Cookies, the Atlanta Inchworms, the Cleveland Dog Poops or other potentially suitable names. The changes are part of a nationwide Change the Mascot Day. “Hey we’ve embarrassed Native people for many years, now we should be the ones embarrassed,” said one Atlanta Inchworm fan.



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Michael Madrid's picture
Michael Madrid
Submitted by Michael Madrid on
How about: President Obama Pardons Leonard Peltier or maybe Senate & Congress Agree to change Thanksgiving to Native American Day or since we're dreaming . . . Republicans agree to higher tax rate for the rich to set aside reparations for Native Americans.

nokomis's picture
Submitted by nokomis on
My tribe, which is the Yavapai-Apache Nation, celebrates Columbus Day. Pathetic!