10 Things You’d Never Catch a Native Doing or Saying

Vincent Schilling

Here at ICTMN, we have written several articles of late that have served as indicators of just what makes someone a Native American. It could be funny things or not so funny things depending on the person who is reading the indicator.

But what about those things that you’d never catch a Native doing? We thought we’d ask on social media and once again, the truth reared its head in a funny but telling way.

So in this light, here are 10 Things You’d Never Catch a Native Doing or Saying:

Claiming Cherokee Royal Ancestry

Jayson Brave Hearrt wins the number one spot of the You’d Never Catch a Native list. But we have this to say Jayson, what if someone’s great grandmother really was a Cherokee Princess? What then? This No. 1 list item would be invalid wouldn’t it?


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Shotgun John's picture
Shotgun John
Submitted by Shotgun John on
"Yelling ‘Geronimo’ when jumping out a plane Kudos to Steven Greene from Barker, New York for this brilliant quip. But we do have a question for you Steven, what are Native people supposed to yell? " How About: "Help I just jumped out of a plane like a damn fool!" That's certainly what I'd be yelling!!!

Michael Madrid's picture
Michael Madrid
Submitted by Michael Madrid on
I'm always up for a good laugh and these certainly brought them on, but there is also a serious side to things Natives would never do: A. Dump oil, gasoline or any other dangerous substance in a pond. B. Kill coyotes just for the fun of it (or ANYTHING for the fun of it). C. Leave a campsite full of litter. D. Belittle an elder. E. Put their elders in an "old folks home" simply because they're old. F. For New Mexican natives: NEVER pick up a hitchhiker at night alongside Route 40! Shapeshifters are known to frequent this area.

baloouriza's picture
Submitted by baloouriza on
I've heard "rednecks and redskins" as a pretty apt description of my homestate by other indians; maybe we need to change that to non-ironic usage.

baloouriza's picture
Submitted by baloouriza on
@Michael Madrid: Yeah, wish I knew about your point F before my last trip up Historic US 66. Near the Arizona/New Mexico state line on that road, found a hitchhiker carrying a jug of coolant. Picked him up, he drank about a gallon of my water practically before I got back on the pavement, and said that I was the first car to come through in hours and he was fixing to drink the coolant he was carrying. Said he broke down on a side road and needed a ride to the next gas station. Get to the next gas station, pull in to get something to eat, and he went to use the payphone. Someone pointed out I dropped my keys, I turned around to pick him up, and the hitchhiker was gone when I turned back around a few seconds later, jug of coolant sitting on the hood of my car. Nobody else who saw me pull in said they saw the hitchhiker. Weird.

Noel Bearking
Noel Bearking
Submitted by Noel Bearking on
Back in the day, when we would be going out on patrol there would be a sign on top of the gate as we exited the relative safety of the firebase, and it said: "you are entering Indian Country"... always made me think of home.

Osage's picture
Submitted by Osage on
when jumping out of a plane, native peoples should yell CUSTERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Kevin L. Adair
Kevin L. Adair
Submitted by Kevin L. Adair on
about yelling "Geronimo" when jumping out of a plane?......what makes you think I would jump out of a plane?.....

Michael Madrid's picture
Michael Madrid
Submitted by Michael Madrid on
baloouriza: That stretch of road is really bad medicine! You can Google the various things that have been seen there, and shapeshifters might just be the nicest ones.

Two Bears Growling's picture
Two Bears Growling
Submitted by Two Bears Growling on
Michael Madrid, I haven't heard anyone speak of shape-shifters/ skin-walkers in a very long time. Tricky characters they can be, but they are not all bad. They are as legendary & mythical as the Wakan & Little People are. Some of them are also great healers & if they chose to be your friend they are with you as long as you may live. Some of them are legendary in the incredible age they live to be. Very rare is the individual who even knows of their existence. Likewise, heaven help the one who harms them or those they protect & care about.

Dan Richard
Dan Richard
Submitted by Dan Richard on
I'd yell "are you freakin' crazy?" before they pushed me out of any perfectly good airplane... On a serious note, my great-great Grandmother was Cherokee. So, I don't understand the humor/irony/sarcasm of number one. Would/could someone please explain this to me in a civil manner? While we are at it, I find it funny that I'm derided by mainstream Americans when I mention my lineage. I've been called Tonto by drooling, inbred, trailer-trash, which surprised me at the time because I'm pretty pale. Ironically, I get pretty much the same treatment by Native Americans who say things like, "wannabe" or I'm too white, or the like. I came across this site to read a news article about PNW tribes successes at protecting and taking back what was (no doubt in my mind) stolen from from them and I get to read in another article, tripe like: "fans who are supposedly Native (mostly claiming Cherokee heritage) in an effort to prove the team’s ugly name is not offensive to Indians." Some of us have Cherokee heritage and I'm proud of what little I know of mine, so that seems like a pretty offensive statement to me, but I digress. So, can someone please explain this to me...and point me in the direction of the moral high ground? Maybe when I get there I'll find out who's a$$ I need to kiss to be given a break! Thanks, Dan Read more at http://indiancountrytodaymedianetwork.com/2014/03/10/whitewashing-redskins-tour-gets-navajo-code-talkers-assoc-endorsement-153932?page=0%2C0

LilithsPriest's picture
Submitted by LilithsPriest on
My Great-grandmother was a Cherokee ... boss-lady. Yeah. That's what I'll call her.

Lucita Lawless
Lucita Lawless
Submitted by Lucita Lawless on
Actually some Natives do call themselves Redskins. Meskwaki means "People of the Red Earth" and the term Redskin is not considered derogatory at all. I don't take issue with the name Redskins as mascot name, I just wish they would change their logo image to not have a caricatured goofy looking cartoon Indian. However I do see where some feel uncomfortable with it as I can't imagine a "Chinese themed team calling themselves 'Yellowskins.' But then again the color 'yellow' is linked to cowardice, while 'red' is linked to fierceness & aggression. So it's all relative. I think Natives should be focused on more serious tribal issues such as the epidemic of sexual abuse & rape on reservations and fighting/treating depression & alcoholism as well as the things that Buffalo mentions here: http://www.timesrepublican.com/page/content.detail/id/565090/Meskwaki-leaders--Redskins-name-not-a-priority.html?nav=5005

HontasF's picture
Submitted by HontasF on
@Dan Richard The reason the Cherokee grandmother is a joke, is because when people have a sketchy family tradition of being just a little native it's almost always a Cherokee grandmother. It's rarely a grandfather and never from a tribe near where their ancestors may have lived in the last 150 years.

hesutu's picture
Submitted by hesutu on
I am still a red skin, red man, red person. Columbus is not so much a douche, but rather a sadistic greedy psychopathic genocidal mass murderer, along with nearly all of his associates and countrymen.

Lynne McCreary
Lynne McCreary
Submitted by Lynne McCreary on
Lawless guess you did not hear. Seems the head was given by Native American as what they wanted to see instead of the R that was used. Seems they are going to court for the team because they feel very honored that the team took their ideal.

Juliet's picture
Submitted by Juliet on
The appropriate thing to yell when jumping out of an airplane for ANY reason: 'AAAaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaa!'

CreeDence's picture
Submitted by CreeDence on
From what I understand, and may be wrong, is that the US would recognize a marriage between a white man and a Cherokee woman. The only exception was she had to be "a princess." And so to get around that law the white man would say she is a princess. And I can imagine every family claimed that while not knowing or not remembering how grandma and grandpa had to use the exception clause in order to get married. Has anyone heard the same thing. I never heard anything about any princessess and until my own Cherokee heritage hit like a ton of bricks. Then that's all I heard and it didn't sound right. It's one of those "what??? moments and you think this doesn't sound right."