Courtesy api.ning.com

8 Ways to Tell: Your Native Momma Is So Traditional…

Vincent Schilling
3/13/14

Trying to write a satirical article in the spirit of momma jokes, we thought we would give this topic a spin. When we posted a satirical photo in Facebook, a lot of folks expressed discontent at the possible dishonoring of our moms. Point taken – and dear mom, we meant no disrespect.

However, this does not mean that we haven’t heard our share of momma jokes. We wanted to get in on this so called bandwagon and try our own attempt at making fun of ourselves.

Sooo…Is your Native momma so traditional pow wows wait for her? Do rabbits wait in line to be part of her soup? Does she know so many people the BIA calls her? Without calling anyone in particular – here are the ways to tell the joke, You’re Native Momma is so Traditional…

Eagles wear strands of her hair to honor her

Now that is traditional. Not just that they weave them into their nests, wear them as necklaces and much more – thanks to Jason M'Sadoques for this one.

She gets excited by Roadkill

No Roadkill is safe from this traditional mom, whether it is feathers, scales or fur – this traditional Native mom has a use for it. Don’t even think about complaining when you have to stop the car either, or you may be the next victim on the road. Thanks Siri Sema.

Her undergarments are beaded or made of buckskin

Are your Native Momma’s undergarments NOT found in a catalog but instead are hand beaded or made from Buckskin? Then she is definitely super traditional. Take that Victoria’s Secret, and thanks to John GunHammer and Samantha Rainbow for these funny tidbits of truth.

She chews deer hide for your summer dress

Ok Rachel Sheppo, this traditional mom is going to be a tough one to beat, just make sure to iron out those teeth marks before you take that dress out in public. Wait, can you iron deer hide?

Her biggest weapon is “That Look”

Anne Littlewolf on Facebook summed up that scary look Native moms can get perfectly… She didn't need weapons; she could frighten others with "that look" that mothers used to have! She could chase enemies (or rotten kids) away with just the power of her face---that's SOME medicine! Thanks Anne.

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Michael Madrid's picture
Michael Madrid
Submitted by Michael Madrid on
How about: She has a garden with a plant for whatever ails you from stomach aches to night sweats and dreams of Richard Nixon hovering over your bed.

Two Bears Growling's picture
Two Bears Growling
Submitted by Two Bears Growling on
That native mother &/or grandmother is so traditional that all the kids in the community KNOW she can & WILL whip you every time you need it! You men aren't off the hook either! She can whip you too if you get out of line! Now THAT'S having the "power"!
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