AP images
Elvis' great-great-great-grandmother, Morning White Dove (1800-1835), was a Cherokee Indian.

How Did I Miss That? Cherokee Rock Star’s Birthplace Spared; NBA Discovers Racism

Steve Russell
5/2/14

“Is climate change real?” The candidates, all Republicans running for governor of North Carolina, agreed it was easy: “No.” North Carolina is the home of the Research Triangle, a hotbed of scientific conspiracy anchored by North Carolina State, Duke, and the University of North Carolina--Chapel Hill. It’s also the ancestral homeland of myself and my cousin Ray Sixkiller. The neighborhood has sure gone downhill since they kicked us out.

As further evidence of that, Slate reported that Frazier Glenn Miller, the white supremacist who killed two Methodists and a Catholic in attempting to kill Jews and is a former Grand Dragon of the North Carolina KKK, was once caught by Raleigh, North Carolina police in the back seat of a car with a black male prostitute. “Probably,” Cousin Ray said with a straight face, “intending to have sex with a white woman.”

A weatherman for WTVA in Tupelo, Mississippi, was on the air urging people to take cover from a tornado smashing into the city when he was forced to take cover himself. Early reports did not mention any damage to the Elvis Presley birthplace. Cousin Ray addressed God in his best Elvis impersonator voice, “Thankyouverymuch.” Elvis’s great-great-great-grandmother was a fullblood Cherokee, Morning White Dove. “There’s no truth to the rumor,” Cousin Ray said with a grin, “that the King’s childhood nickname was Running Bear.”

In a column in Sunday Review, Nicholas Kristof pointed out that 10 percent of Americans think Joan of Arc was Noah’s wife, no kidding. I presume he was kidding about Sodom and his wife, Gomorrah, and about the Twelve Apostles being married to the Epistles.

Military Times reported the US Army now officially allows soldiers to designate themselves “humanists,” joining Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist, Wiccan, atheist or “no religious preference,” which is what I got stuck with when the truth was I had no preference among those on the menu. Kind of like the controversy over “Jedi” being counted in the British census. The Jedi won, and the result was 176,632 Jedi in the most recent census, down from 390,127 ten years ago. Cousin Ray wondered if the decline in Jedi coincided with a rise in Sith?

The NBA was rocked last week when TMZ.com released a tape that showed Los Angeles Clippers owner Donald Sterling admonishing an ex-girlfriend to quit hanging around with blacks, and specifically not to bring Magic Johnson to another Clippers game. “There is no truth to the rumor,” claimed Cousin Ray, “that Sterling is claiming that African-Americans have problems far bigger than racism and so he’s starting a foundation to address those problems.”

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