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Licking Harry Potter's Backside Is a Mistake, and Other Headscratchers

John Christian Hopkins
8/23/14

There are bad decisions and then there are choices that cause you to scratch your head in confusion.

First a normal bad decision: The U. S. Postal Service decides to issue a Harry Potter stamp. Now I like Harry as much as anyone, but doesn’t the USPS realize that the boy wizard is from England? Other than being an incredible series what qualifies Pottery to be on an American stamp? How long before there is a British royal baby stamp series?

Besides who wants to turn Harry Potter over and lick his backside? Now maybe if it was Sophia Loren …

Okay, now an example of a headscratcher: a woman took her daughter to a Michigan zoo where she gave a lion the finger.

Literally.

Renae Ferguson said she was “simply petting the cat when it suddenly snapped” and bit off her middle finger.

Are you looking at your spouse now and saying “Huh?” If not then maybe you better stay away from the zoo.

Oh, Ferguson is suing the zoo claiming, that they should have stopped her from putting her hand n the cage.

I guess the signs warning people not to do that weren’t enough of a deterrent for her.

Do you remember the former NBA star Ron Artest? He is now “The Artest Formerly known as Metta World Peace.” Really. He has signed to play for a Chinese league and has again changed his name. If you thought Metta World Peace was loony then you will just love the new moniker: The Panda's Friend.

Maybe if he was made out of bamboo.

When bad luck seems to follow you around people say you are snake-bit. Sometimes getting snake-bit is just a matter of poor decision-making skills.

On vacation with his family, a Missouri man stepped from the cabin and spotted a snake. He picked it up to show his son. How was he to know that copperheads don’t like being cuddled? Three snake bites and about 30 minutes later he died.

Maybe it was a good thing he didn’t take them to a zoo?

Sometimes payback is a bitch. Or several of them.

A 67-year-old Kentucky woman who had been found guilty numerous times for cruelty to animals was eaten by her hybrid dogs.

“I’m fighting off tears today” a woman told reporters. The tears were for the neglected animals; as another animal shelter person made clear when she expressed relief that the old lady couldn’t harm the dogs any longer.

One delegate on the Navajo Nation Council apparently didn’t want to miss his favorite TV show. At least that explanation makes more sense than the one he told police.

He said “someone” must have put the large-screen TV in his trunk when he went to pay the hotel bill. Still, he made a bad choice; either putting the TV in the trunk or, for some reason, leaving his trunk open.

Now ordinarily going to work s a good decision; but it backfired for an Oklahoma high school teacher.

Maybe Lorie Ann Hill was putting the high in high school when she showed up for her first day of work drunk? That could explain part of her problem but she also forgot to wear pants! Good thing there wasn’t a lion there to pet.

John Christian Hopkins is a member of the Narragansett Indian Tribe of Rhode Island. He is the author of Carlomagno. He currently lives on he Navajo Reservation with his wife, Sararesa.

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