Simon Moya-Smith

“Who killed me?” I asked.
“Do you want the name of the actual person or the asshole who gave the order?” he said.
“I suppose the latter,” I uttered, gripping my neck.
“Abraham Lincoln.”
“That hypocritical sot!”...

5/31/14
Simon Moya-Smith
5/24/14
On Thursday, a plaque was unveiled in Minnesota and, in that moment, centuries of Native American military sacrifices were honored...
ICTMN Staff
5/23/14
Frequent ICTMN contributor Simon Moya-Smith appeared on Fox News last night to discuss the Washington Redskins and the letter sent by 50 U.S...
Simon Moya-Smith

It was midnight, and I decided to sacrifice some virgins.

“Why not?” I shouted. “What’s the point of being found guilty of a crime if you don’t even get to enjoy committing the thing?”

“What’d you say?” he said.

“Never mind,” I blistered. “Keep looking.”...

5/15/14
Simon Moya-Smith

I just ordered another, and I don't want to look at the goddamn note—the bill—the one in my pocket. Not again. I'm doomed. Oh well. Que sera sera....

4/19/14
Simon Moya-Smith
3/20/14
Booming in this steel box. Frantic bodies dash to dingy railcars they’ll never catch...
Simon Moya-Smith

I don't know if Woody Allen did it. I'd like to think the four-eyed filmmaker didn't sexually assault the girl, Dylan, but only he knows the truth, and she does, too – and maybe also the fly that was on the wall that fateful day in 1992....

2/21/14
Simon Moya-Smith
2/16/14
Finally, by 10 p.m., you manage to land yourself a taxi. The driver is a gerbil! The runt can barely grip the wheel or hit the brake with his heel...
Simon Moya-Smith

I'm in no mood to write today....

2/6/14
Simon Moya-Smith

He limped into town in the middle of the night, beaten and bitter. He’s an asshole, really, and a good person....

1/26/14

Pages