The King of Holograms: Jacko was back—sort of.

How Did I Miss That? Beyond the Grave: Jacko & Jong-un's Ex

Steve Russell

The Washington Post quoted Heather Kendall-Miller of the Native American Rights Fund about law enforcement in Alaska Native villages: “The state can’t afford to pay for law enforcement in small villages like this but they also refuse to let tribes have full authority over law enforcement, beyond an unarmed public safety officer.” She went on to claim that state troopers can take days to arrive when summoned. As a result of this gap in protection, the Post reported, many Alaska villages are resorting to the traditional remedy of banishment. “Too bad,” my cousin Ray Sixkiller mused, “they can’t banish the colonists.”

First Look reported from the front of a school where seven children died in tornado-ravaged Moore, Oklahoma that 1,100 Oklahoma schools still lack storm shelters. Republican Gov. Mary Fallin said that the state can’t afford storm shelters in schools and, anyway, state funding of shelters would violate the principle of “local control.” My Republican Cousin Ray, embarrassed by Gov. Fallin again, asked whether “local control” extends to tornados?

Michael Jackson gave a boffo performance for a dead guy at the 2014 Billboard Music Awards performing by hologram. Cousin Ray is tracking down the rumor that Elvis may be next, “but so far, they’ve only got him from the waist-up.”

Continuing the exploits of dead people, The New York Times reported on May 19 that Hyon Song-wol appeared on North Korean TV, proving rumors of her execution greatly exaggerated. The scuttlebutt has been that the boy dictator Kim Jong-un, alleged to be a former boyfriend, had ordered her killed for making a sex tape. “If he was the other party on the tape,” Cousin Ray laughed, “North Korea has acquired a new way to scare people.”

The “sport of kings” rumbled with the threat that California Chrome would not run in the Belmont Stakes, after winning the first two gems in the Triple Crown (Kentucky Derby and Preakness). The issue was that the Belmont stewards were not going to let the horse run with a nasal strip, something allowed in every jurisdiction outside New York and common for almost 15 years. In the end, New York caved and Chrome will have the opportunity to join the ranks of 11 Triple Crown winners or 22 who took the first two races but not the Belmont. “At least,” Cousin Ray chuckled, “the horse won’t be snoring.”

The Tea Party cockfighting guy was beaten in the Kentucky Republican primary against Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, who will soon be the Majority Leader because those people affected by Obamacare and the minimum wage don’t vote in off-year elections. The general election to join the Senate Millionaire Club is expected to cost over $100 million in a state that ranks 47th in household income and 46th in per capita income. “When’s the last time,” Cousin Ray asked, “you saw a millionaire at a cockfight?” I had to reply that I’ve never seen anybody at a cockfight.

The Wall Street Journal editorialized that the Republican establishment has not crushed the Tea Party. The Tea Party has changed the GOP establishment, but the Tea Party lost the recent elections because their candidates were inferior. My long-suffering Republican Cousin Ray asked when Tea Party candidates have not been inferior?

In an interview on ABC, Sen. Marco Rubio (R-Florida), continued to rebuff the question whether he is the only guy in his generation who never tried marijuana. Cousin Ray recommended the Bill Clinton solution, since none of the people around you would ever know whether you inhaled.


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