Jetpack America
We were promised jetpacks: Business is booming.

How Did I Miss That? Flying on Water; Rob Ford's Caffeine Problem

Steve Russell

The New York Times carried a report on the growing business of selling the opportunity to “fly” with jetpacks propelled by water, an opportunity that has so far taken flight in California, New Jersey, Florida, Maryland, and Hawaii with a plan on the drawing board for a jetpack concession on an artificial lake in Las Vegas. The gadgets can fly 40 feet in the air at 30 miles per hour. When I went to ask my cousin Ray Sixkiller’s opinion, I found him with a leaf blower on his back, emoting into a mirror, “The name is Bond...James Bond.”

Since Cousin Ray nominated himself to play Bond, I nominated Kim Kardashian the new “Bond girl” to ride the publicity surrounding her new photo book of selfies, titled Selfish. Ray pointed out that Kardashian promises to show more skin than is customary in Bond movies. Remember when the villain Auric Goldfinger killed a lady by painting her entire skin gold? Bond diagnosed, “She died of skin suffocation.” Still, the modest conventions of the Bond films required Goldfinger to leave her panties on. “So,” Cousin Ray smirked, “are you telling me Kim Kardashian can leave her panties on?”

Politix reported back in May that conservative super-PACs have spent three times as much money attacking moderate Republicans as they spent attacking Democrats. Morning Joe reported on August 8 that Republicans have spent $145 million on internal fighting. This has bought them an approval rating of 19 per cent. Joe Scarborough referred to 2014 so far as “a Tea Party shutout,” apparently forgetting that House Majority Leader Eric Cantor was defeated by a Tea Party candidate who did not spend as much on his whole campaign as Cantor spent in steak houses. The immediate subject of GOP establishment cheer was the primary victory of Tennessee Sen. Lamar Alexander. Party poopers pointed out that the Tea Party ran so many candidates that Alexander was able to win without a majority.

Sen. John Walsh (D-MT), after being appointed to his seat and serving only six months, has withdrawn from his race for reelection after getting nailed for plagiarism in the final paper submitted for his master’s degree from the Army War College. He has yet to admit the plagiarism, but his extensive use of other people’s work without attribution will be pretty hard to explain. Walsh’s exit leaves Democrats scrambling to field a candidate in a year when control of the Senate will be on the line.

Speaking of scandals, what is their shelf life? Between World Wars I and II, there was Teapot Dome, considered the mother of all corruption scandals because it produced the first individual to go directly from the president’s Cabinet to the hoosegow, the Indian-fighting Secretary of the Interior, Albert Fall.

In our times, Watergate was the mother of all corruption scandals. Watergate resulted in 40 criminal indictments and another Cabinet official off to the pokey, Attorney General John Mitchell, the chief law enforcement officer. In the crossbar hotel, Mitchell joined two White House staffers, two White House lawyers, and the Security Director of the Committee to Re-elect the President (CREEP).

After Vice President Spiro Agnew resigned over unrelated corruption, President Richard Nixon resigned to avoid impeachment, leading Vice President Gerald Ford to become president without being elected and to pardon the man who had appointed him. Watergate pushed Teapot Dome off the top of the scandal meter, and, ever since, most political scandals have acquired the suffix “-gate” in news reports.

Now, The Washington Post reported on a poll commissioned on the occasion of the 40th anniversary of President Nixon’s resignation.


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Michael Madrid's picture
Michael Madrid
Submitted by Michael Madrid on
Funny how Republicans forget about all these scandals when claiming that Obama is the WORST PRESIDENT EVER!