"Acclaimed Barrister Amal Alamuddin Marries an Actor"

How Did I Miss That? Amal Marries an Actor;

Steve Russell

BusinessWoman headed the news "Internationally Acclaimed Barrister Amal Alamuddin Marries an Actor." Alamuddin is best known for representing WikiLeaks spokesman Julian Assange and for her service on the UK’s Preventing Sexual Violence Initiative to gather evidence of sexual crimes in conflict zones, in which there is an unfortunate spike recently. She is admitted to both British and US bars and is fluent in English, French, and Arabic. The groom, George Clooney, agreed he was “marrying up.” Congratulations!

Julian Assange “appeared” at a Massachusetts conference by hologram. “He’s only following in the holographic footsteps of Michael Jackson and Tupac Shakur, and they looked pretty good,” my cousin Ray Sixkiller said, “for dead guys.”

Hong Kong is rocking with street demonstrations that dwarf the US civil rights movement. When the UK handed Hong Kong back to China, the Chinese government promised “one country-two systems,” a continuation of free elections. The fine print came into focus this year: Hong Kong citizens will be allowed to choose only among a slate of candidates picked by the government unless the “umbrella revolution” prevails. 

NPR passed on a report that first appeared in The Local, revealing that five Swedish scientists are participating in an informal competition to see who can publish the most quotations of Bob Dylan lyrics in professional journals before they retire. “Bored professors,” observed Cousin Ray. “Twenty years of schooling and they put you on the day shift.”

Derek Jeter, asked what he was thinking when he came up for his last at bat in Yankee Stadium on September 25: “Don’t cry.” Jeter, batting third in the bottom of the ninth with the winning run on second, swatted a single for a walkoff Yankees victory and a cherry on top of the whipped cream of his career.

KENS5 in San Antonio reported that Jana Weckerly has filed a $1 million lawsuit against Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones alleging that he sexually assaulted her in 2009 and then paid her hush money from 2009 to 2013 so she would not report the assault. Jones allegedly quit paying when the statute of limitations ran out for filing a civil suit for sexual assault. Coincidence, I’m sure.

The NFL messed up something besides domestic violence and corporate welfare when zebras threw a flag on Kansas City Chiefs safety Husain Abdullah for dropping to his knees in prayer in the end zone after an interception. Abdullah had reason to be thankful because he had just intercepted Tom Brady, but he got flagged for unsportsmanlike conduct because he did not Tebow and therefore credited the wrong god. Unlike the NFL, I’m aware Allah is the same god Jews and Christians worship, but I don’t understand why, if an Invisible Friend gets the credit for a great play, he or she does not get the blame for an awful play? Specifically, whose fault is it that the Saints have become the Sinners?

Microsoft founder Bill Gates appeared on Morning Joe to discuss the Ebola crisis, to which his foundation has pledged $50 million. Asked about other nations, he mentioned, “Cuba has made a significant commitment in terms of doctors, and their doctors are quite well-trained.” So the richest country in the Americas is heading the fight against Ebola with backup from one of the poorest.

Ebola aid isn’t all about charity, because if that virus mutates to an airborne form, the world is at risk and, by the way, explain one more time why we are scared to engage with Cuba, especially now that Fidel Castro is out of power? “That’s what you call a rhetorical question,” Cousin Ray said, “as long as Florida is a swing state and the Cuban exile vote swings Florida.” I make fun of my Republican cousin, but he did not just fall off the turnip truck.

Forbes published its annual list of the 400 richest Americans. They are collectively worth $2.3 trillion and all are billionaires. Eleven persons under 40 made the list, mostly self-made techies. The youngest is Dustin Moskovitz, 30, who beat his Harvard roomie Mark Zuckerberg by eight days. The youngest billionaire, who did not make the cut for the top 400, is Evan Spiegel, 24, who made his paltry $1.5 billion as a founder of Snapchat.

The Washington Post continued outstanding reportage on Omar Gonzalez, 42, and his breach of White House security by simply jumping the fence and shoving guards away. The Secret Service had admitted he got inside the White House, barely. It turns out Gonzalez got far enough inside the building that, if he had known his way, he would have been in the family quarters. If the knife he carried were put to the throat of one of the First Daughters, he would have “owned” the White House. Ditto if he had been wearing explosives.

The Post also uncovered a recent incident where the Secret Service advance team allowed a man with a criminal history armed with a pistol to get on an elevator with the president.

The Marysville, Washington Daily Herald reported that Rhyan Vasquez, 19, in custody for robbery, escaped from jail and it took the jail two days to notice he was gone. Vasquez is now back in custody, charged with robbery and escape. Cousin Ray asked if those jailers have ever considered a career with the Secret Service?


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