Native Humor: The 9 Types of Native Kids
Native youth are the diamonds in the rough of Indian Country’s future. They are the generation that gives us joy, grief, laughs and love.
Our youth are everything to us. That said, there are certain defining aspects of our kids today and believe it or not, they fit into distinct categories.
Here are 9 types of Native Kids:
Before ‘The Activist’ child could even tie their shoes, they had probably already watched every Russell Means and John Trudeau video on YouTube. Their first words might have been, “Occupy, resist” or Idle No More.” Their room might be covered with protest flyers and craft projects that include spray paint and picket signs.
They have a jar on their end table filled with gas money they are saving for an upcoming trip to Washington D.C.
This Native youngster pretty much lives in some sort of regalia 24/7, and knows more than you about the “old ways.” Their behavior stems from the time you brought them to the pow wow in regalia when they were just a few months old. They are are almost always with elders, speaking the language with the elders or repeating what the elders have said.
You won’t see them at home much during pow wow season.
The Quiet Genius
While all the other Native kids are screaming and playing ‘the floor is hot lava’ inside the house, this studious child is sitting in the corner of the room next to a window re-reading the Martian Chronicles by Ray Bradbury, X-Men comics or the Percy Jackson series.
Don’t even think about trying to help them with their homework – you wouldn’t understand it.
The Sports Fanatic
Forever living in basketball shorts and a tank top, even at minus 12 degrees, the sports enthusiast knows every baller stat for Shoni Schimmel, Derek Willis and Bronson Koenig, going back to their first game as a freshman in high school.
They don’t have much time to talk now, Mom, because they are skateboarding or biking to the courts to work on their three-point shot.
The Social Media Diva
LOL, OMG. I am #ROFL about these social media enthusiasts who live only in a virtual world of texting, Snapchat, Twitter, Instagram and Facebook. (OMG, you are STILL on Facebook, Mom? That’s for old people!)
Want to punish this child? Take away their cell phone for five minutes. But never, ever criticize their selfies. No matter how many times they say they are making a weird face. And yes, that weird puckering lip thing is all the rage.
The Crash Heard in the Kitchen Kid
The parents of these kids always have bandaids on hand. We don’t evew know how these kids managed to get their head stuck in the neighbor’s fence, or got stung by all those wasps, but this is the child a lot of parents won't let their kid play with this kid until they have a signed waiver.
This child seems to be doing ok much of the time, but look away for five minutes and all the dishes in the cupboard crash to the ground because this accident-prone child was looking for his favorite green plastic cup.
This kid goes through about three first-aid kits every summer.
The Technology Nerd
These kids are the most resourceful of them all. They have a laptop they probably pieced together from old parts the neighbors were throwing out, and managed to get a free wifi connection with a phone line and some handmade device using wire and tinfoil.
They are best friends with the Quiet Genius and always know how to fix your cell phone and upgrade your computer.
The Damn Good Kid
This kid is just a ‘damn good kid.” They are always polite, and you will usually find them at the local food bank, after school tutoring program or washing the windows of an elder’s home.
They never complain, don’t care if you want to watch something different on TV and offer to go to bed without asking.
Oh, and they just made you chocolate brownies, they are cooling next to the fridge.
The Industrious Over-Achiever
At six years old, they made more in a day at their lemonade / baked goods stand than you made last week. Within a few years, they had a scholarship to a private school they alone applied to and then later applied to 13 colleges and were accepted to them all.
They are the “youngest-ever” something or other, and have a list of contacts Steve Jobs would have been proud of. The Tribal Council Chief, U.S. Senators and even the President of the United States knows about their achievements.
Follow ICTMN’s Arts and Entertainment, Pow Wow’s and Sports Editor Vincent Schilling (Akwesasne Mohawk) on Twitter - @VinceSchilling
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