How Did I Miss That? Police Sacrifice Dignity and Doughnuts

Steve Russell

One of many problems with policing private sexual conduct is that the government has to gather evidence. Minnesota Public Radio reported that the Minneapolis Police Department has had prostitution cases tossed out on the basis of “outrageous governmental conduct” because the male police officers trolling for cases in massage parlors actually engaged in sex acts to “gather evidence.”

When I was an active judge in Texas, the Houston Police Department was doing the same, but they had an excuse. They were not going for misdemeanor prostitution arrests but rather the felony of keeping a house of prostitution, which required making several prostitution cases at the same location. If officers made a deal and did not go though with it, the owner would catch on. The “outrageous governmental conduct” argument did not work in Texas, so the police were allowed to have their sex and prosecute it too.

“It’s a hard job,” my cousin Ray Sixkiller snickered, “but somebody has to do it.”

The San Antonio Express-News reported that USAF Capt. Christopher Hill pled guilty to having sex with one of his flight students at Laughlin AFB, among others, but his case got stranger when he took his wife and newborn daughter for a weekend in San Antonio…and brought his mistress along. He complicated things further by lying to investigators and concealing evidence by burying an external hard drive, an iPad, and a cell phone on the grounds of Del Rio International Airport. Facing more than 20 years, he cut a deal for 90 days and a dishonorable discharge.

In non-sexual law enforcement news, CBS Sports reported that University of Wisconsin-Madison campus police traced a surprise delivery of 240 coconut doughnuts to a fan from Los Angeles they had ejected from a Badgers football game. The fan (who wished to remain anonymous) said he intended to point out that while what the police do everyday is awesome, the way they treated him was not. He opined that doughnuts are awesome, but coconut doughnuts are not.

The police ate some and donated the rest to a Salvation Army shelter. Cousin Ray, who likes coconut, commented that there’s no accounting for taste.

Gregory Miller, 55, stole a beer truck from a Circle K in Columbus, Georgia. According to UPI reports, Miller drove off in the truck and took it to a nearby parking lot, where he got out without setting the brake. Police took the thief to a hospital before jail when he managed to run over himself, injuring his ankle severely.

Sen. David Vitter from Louisiana claimed to be a Republican but my Republican Cousin Ray always thought he should have been out of politics a long time ago. Vitter was elected as a “family values” holier-than-thou avatar of morality and then was caught in prostitution scandals in Washington and in Louisiana, most famously showing up on the “D.C. Madam” trick list.

It’s not certain whether Louisiana voters got enough of hypocrisy or of the Republican economic policies of outgoing Gov. Bobby Jindal that clobbered their economy almost as bad as the same policies clobbered Kansas. Whichever, Vitter failed in his bid to follow Jindal.

John Bel Edwards, the Democrat who took Vitter to the political woodshed, became the first Democrat elected statewide since 2008, in spite of Vitter’s campaign calling him an “Obama liberal” and claiming that a vote for Edwards would be a vote for black thugs from prison or Syrian refugees living next door.

The New York Times quoted Edwards’s victory statement: “I will always be honest. I will never embarrass you. I will get up every day fighting to put the people of Louisiana first.” The long-suffering voters of Louisiana have heard that before, but there is some hope on the honesty front when he’s a lone Democrat surrounded by Republicans.

The AP reported that a store in the Denver area has had a running problem with vandals over the last year. The store sells books and gifts under the name of an Egyptian goddess, Isis. “There is no truth to the rumor,” Cousin Ray assured me, “ that the same folks went broke under the trade name, “Adolf Hitler’s Bar and Grill.”

The Telegraph reported that a man in Manbij, Syria, shot a Daesh judge who had sentenced the shooter’s family to be beheaded. He killed two guards along with the judge and then turned the weapon on himself so as not to fall into Daesh hands.

Even more disturbing for the government of the fake Caliphate, the judge’s assassination was followed by a public demonstration in one of the public squares of Manbij with dozens of men chanting “Out! Out! Out!”

No fans of free speech, Daesh fighters opened fire on the crowd, killing two and arresting everybody they could catch.

Historian Garry Wills, speaking at the University of Illinois-Chicago, admonished that people who have not read the Quran and don’t know what Muslims believe should STFU about Islam.

During the subsequent question-and-answer, the influence of money on politics came up. Wills gave Elizabeth Warren and Bernie Sanders props for forcing Democratic leader Hillary Clinton to pay attention to the issue. “She says she’s not getting a lot of money from Wall Street,” Wills said, adding, “It’s nice that she feels the need to lie.”

That got me to thinking about when Bill Clinton uttered the famous line, “It depends on what the meaning of ‘is,’ is.” In his wife’s campaign, it depends on what the meaning of “a lot of money” is.

Dr. Ben Carson has been sinking like a stone in the GOP presidential primary polls. This could be because every day is a new bit of nonsense. This week, Carson—who purported to write a book that purports to be about the Constitution—credited Thomas Jefferson with being the author of that document in a C-SPAN interview.


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