Paul Crock/Agence France-Presse
That does not look pleasant.

How Did I Miss That? Rousey Routed; No-Look Sex

Steve Russell

Albuquerque went wild when their undefeated homegirl Holly Holm knocked out undefeated Ronda Rousey for the bantamweight Ultimate Fighting Championship.

Holm’s upset of the woman credited with bringing women’s UFC to the sports world’s attention also created a viral video shot about a month before the pay-per-view fight when Rousey was a guest on Jimmy Kimmel Live! Rousey told Kimmel that Holm was a worthy opponent who would, "keep far away from me and keep me frustrated to a point where I’ll make a mistake and she’ll try to kick me in the head—but it’s not going to go like that.”

A perfect prediction—except for that last part.

Rhett Allain, writing in Wired, produced equations showing the force of Holm’s kick against Rousey’s head was 50 pounds, but he added 50 pounds was an average and “the peak force could be significantly higher.”

Rousey did some major trash-talking before the fight but Holm did not respond in kind and, afterwards, Holm took the high road on the Mixed Martial Arts website and was not coy about a rematch if Rousey chooses: "If you're a real champion, you're gonna do that. You're gonna give them the rematch.”

While I’m not a big fight fan, I would love to introduce Rousey and Holm to fundamentalist Christian blogger “Larry Solomon,” who admonished a woman advocating equality with men, “I find it lacking Scriptural support.”

He advises menfolk, when the little woman does not wish to have sex: “You as a husband should not tolerate refusal.”

My cousin Ray Sixkiller rolled his eyes and asked what flavor of Christianity “Larry Solomon” claims? “Solomon” says he’s a Baptist, which probably cut off a rant I’ve heard before about taking sex advice from celibate priests.

“Solomon” does urge men to tolerate wives faking orgasms, but if she refuses to fake it, he urges you not to look at her face during the act.

“He better have a fallback position,” Cousin Ray laughed.

North Carolina’s WNCN reported that John Livingston, 33, answered a knock on his door at 3:40 a.m. Harnett County Sheriff’s deputies were looking for a man who no longer lived there.

Upon being informed, a deputy asked if he could come in and search. Livingston replied, “Not without a warrant,” and shut the door. Deputies then broke the door down and began a struggle that ended when Livingston got control of one deputy’s Taser and they shot Livingston dead. The father of three had no weapon.

“No rights, either,” Cousin Ray muttered.

In a dispute with authority that had a happier ending, The Boston Globe reported that Pastafarian Lindsay Miller won her appeal to be allowed, like all congregants of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, to wear a colander on her head on her driver’s license photo.

Pastafarian theology offers one central claim: that the existence of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is just as likely as the existence of the Invisible Friend posited by the various monotheistic patriarchal desert cults.

Cousin Ray was snickering. “That Flying Spaghetti Monster stuff explains why so many people making their living off religion are meatballs.” But he hastened to add, “There is no truth to the rumor that one of the Nazca geoglyphs in Peru appears to be a checkered table cloth and a bottle of Chianti.”

In another brush with the supernatural, Duffelblog ran a report from Key West that Coast Guard sailors boarded the ghost ship Flying Dutchman and found two safety violations and an expired haunting permit. The Coasties found an expired life raft dating to 1790 and there were only 20 life preservers to accommodate “a combined crew of 29 ghosts and ghouls.”

Cousin Ray wondered if crewmembers already dead needed fewer life preservers?

Elsewhere in Florida, reporters were excluded from the GOP’s Sunshine Summit, but naturally it leaked. The most entertaining leak was that Dick “Chicken Hawk” Cheney made his entrance to Darth Vader’s theme music and the audience went so wild you would think there had been weapons of mass destruction in Iraq.

I can’t resist pointing out that Joni Ernst, the freshman senator representing the Koch Brothers, I mean the Tea Party, I mean Iowa, and elected on the strength of her hog-castrating skills has repeatedly claimed to be as sure that there were weapons of mass destruction in Iraq as she is that climate change is a liberal myth propagated to destroy the U.S. economy.

Cousin Ray was mumbling. It sounded like, “Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi, you’re my only hope!”

The latest teenage sexting scandal involved Lee Moore, a 37 year old member of the White House Secret Service detail (uniformed division), sending a naked selfie to who he thought was a 14 year old girl but was in fact a Delaware law enforcement officer.

“In the days before gay rights went mainstream,” Cousin Ray pointed out, “the good news would have been he was trolling for a girl and not a boy.”

The U.S. Defense Department announced a serious effort to break up “The Beatles,” a nickname western hostages of ISIS put on a group of especially brutal interrogators. One of “The Beatles,” known as Jihadi John, appeared on an ISIS video beheading American journalist James Foley.


You need to be logged in in order to post comments
Please use the log in option at the bottom of this page