Scariest jackass-o-lanterns we've ever seen.

How Did I Miss That? Trumpkins; Groping for Votes

Steve Russell
10/14/16

Dangerous Minds published a photo essay on a new Halloween idea, Trumpkins. Carving a Trump jack-o-lantern starts out with the right color. Then, Dangerous Minds asserted, the carver must make the mouth look like “an angry anus with teeth.”

We are not surprised here in the borderlands, where Trump piñatas are still selling out as quickly as they can be made. My cousin Ray Sixkiller was worried that if somebody designs one more Trump craft for the holiday season, “we’ll have a shortage of orange paint.”

Pastor Dave Daubenmire, founder of Pass the Salt Ministries, has warned that the prospect of a Hillary Clinton presidency is “not Biblical” because God is offended by the idea of men taking orders from women. My tribal traditions should make me feel superior to Daubenmire, but I am reminded of phone banking for a female candidate for Principal Chief of the Cherokee Nation and the dismaying number of rants I had to hear about “petticoat government.”

Trump, who paid for ads advocating a return to the death penalty for the Central Park Five, said last week he still thinks they are guilty after DNA exonerated them. The reason he gives is that they confessed. Either he does not know or does not care that false confessions are common as dirt.

CNN Money reported that Carly Simon has for the first time allowed You’re so Vain to be used in a political ad. She only changed one line. “Your scarf, it was apricot” became “Your skin, it was apricot.” The ad is for Patriotic Artists and Creatives, a superpac supporting Clinton.

Joe Scarborough told a great political story on Morning Joe apropos of Donald Trump’s latest anti-constitutional move, promising that if elected he will put his political opponent in jail.

U.S. traditions include the election of 1800, before which the American Revolution had not passed the acid test of history by peacefully transferring power. Aaron Burr’s power grab came close to destroying the experiment, but cooler heads prevailed..

Then the nasty election of 1860, which really did result in the Civil War, but during Lincoln’s inaugural speech there was the wonderful symbolism of his erstwhile opponent Stephen Douglas holding his hat.

Richard Nixon conceded the 1960 election in spite of credible evidence of wholesale voter fraud in Illinois and Texas.

Al Gore’s gracious concession to George W. Bush is the most recent example of the tradition Trump is tromping.

Scarborough related interviewing Pat Buchanan, who had been a Nixon insider and was political aggression personified. He asked Buchanan why Nixon did not demand recounts when he knew Kennedy had stolen Illinois and maybe Texas?

“Because,” Buchanan laughed, “we stole Kentucky.”

I had to observe that election fraud is not funny.

Also not funny are the two polls from FiveThirryEight showing what would happen if only women or only men voted. Trump has had a Woman Problem from day one, but this latest move is not going to help.

If only women voted, the Electoral College would show 458 for Clinton and 80 for Trump.

If only men voted, the Electoral College would show 188 for Clinton and 350 for Trump.

Trump’s response is the hashtag #repealthe19th.

“And people claim Trump isn’t a modern Republican?” Cousin Ray looked like an elephant had stepped on his foot. “If you don’t like how a group of people vote, don’t let them vote. That’s where my party has been lately…but without me.”

The Detroit Free Press reported that the Ruth’s Cris Steak House in Ann Arbor offered a one percent discount for every point by which the University of Michigan beat Rutgers. A nice promotion for home team fans, since the Wolverines were sure to beat the Scarlet Knights. Not so great for the steak house when the score came up Michigan 78; Rutgers 0. The terms of the offer cut off the discount at 50 percent, but there were still no reservations to be had at Ruth’s for the duration of the offer.

Cousin Ray suggested Ruth’s should make the same offer for Clinton’s margin over Trump…but that was before the issue turned to groping.

According to Bloomberg, the Trump campaign got blindsided by things Trump has said on camera because he did not allow his campaign to do opposition research on himself—a common political tactic to head off surprises from the other side.

Cousin Ray reminded me that Ralph Nader did not have to run oppo research on himself because of the years he had spent fighting about unsafe automobiles. General Motors already had all the dirt on Nader that was findable.

The BBC reported that the Islamic State is losing territory in Syria at such a rate that detention has become a problem. Some 300 defectors, many Europeans, are being held by Jaysh al-Tahrir, a rebel group. Europeans are being allowed to call their embassies and try to arrange a ride home. The Islamic State still holds their capitol, Raqqa, and the site indicated in their prophecies to be where the showdown with “Rome” (which they take to be the U.S.) will occur, Dabiq.

The New York Times reported that several of the Republican members of Congress who un-endorsed Donald Trump after he was caught on video bragging about how he could commit sexual assault with impunity and walk into the dressing rooms at his beauty pageants to check out the girls without clothes were now un-un-endorsing him after a furious backlash by Trump supporters.

Of course, this happened before women began to come forward with claims he had actually committed sexual assaults and gone in dressing rooms when contestants were nude. This led Cousin Ray to wonder out loud whether the claims Trump actually did what he said he did would result in a re-un-endorsing.

Cousin Ray was embarrassed. “They should get rid of the elephant symbol,” he complained, “and substitute a guy holding his wet finger in the air.”

Fermi’s Paradox can be reduced to three words: Where is everybody?

Physicist Enrico Fermi stated his paradox back in 1950. Since there are 200-400 billion stars and 100 billion planets, somebody ought to have passed our way by now. This is not opinion, but mathematical probability.

Now The Times of London has reported that another physicist, Brian Cox, has suggested a solution to Fermi’s Paradox. Cox suggested that the cutting edge of physics and engineering will always move faster than the cutting edge of political science. As a result, he postulates, “it is not possible to run a world that has the power to destroy itself and that needs global collaborative solutions to prevent that.”

Leaving aside the gloom Cox’s solution spreads, it ought to be a wake up call to those who do not “believe in” political science and think we need to elect people who are not politicians.

Sgt. B. Lovell of the Diboll, Texas Police Department, posted on the DPD Facebook page that he answered an animal call that was “a new one for me.” A 100 pound, 48 year old tortoise named Sheldon had escaped from a fenced back yard and made a dash for freedom.

Well, as much of a dash as a tortoise makes. Sheldon made it about 100 yards before being reported. His people coaxed him to come home with an apple.

CNN reported on a bit more serious animal call. The Clay County Sheriff’s Office in Florida responded to a 911 call and found a bald eagle left imbedded in a car grille by Hurricane Matthew. The bird was extracted from the grille and taken to the Bird Emergency Aid and Kare Sanctuary (B.E.A.K.S.).

The rescuers named the bird—what else?—Matthew. His injuries are not serious and the plan is to release him as soon as his habitat is no longer overrun with emergency vehicles.

CNN Money reported visiting a dealer and finding a Samsung Galaxy 7 phone not only on the shelf but plugged in. This is odd because Samsung has advised consumers to disconnect the Galaxy 7 from power and keep it disconnected pending a return for a store credit or refund.

After reports of the Galaxy 7 catching on fire and planes delayed to remove sizzling cell phones, Samsung started replacing the Galaxy 7s. After the replacements also caught fire, Samsung gave up and ordered the recall.

On November15, 2015 Holly Holm of Albuquerque nailed the biggest upset in the history of women’s Ultimate Fighting Championship with a kick to the head of UFC superstar Ronda Rousey.

With the grace of a champion, Holm promised Rousey a rematch as soon as possible. Because Rousey was not yet ready, Holm first defended in March against Miesha Tate, who claimed the title in a five round decision.

In July, Tate also lost her first title defense to Amanda Nunes in the first round. Nunes’s first defense will be against Ronda Rousey (12-1), who will attempt to regain her championship on Dec. 30 against Nunes (13-4) in Las Vegas, where you can bet on it.

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